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1 Corinthians 2:11-13 – Successful Communication
Have you ever been misunderstood? Welcome to the human race! In fact, one of Hollywood’s most famous lines comes from Cool Hand Luke: “What we have here is a failure to communicate.” It seems that we humans have perfected the art of misunderstanding more so than understanding. The failure to communicate has caused wars, strained relationships, broken marriages, split churches, and damned souls. Blurting out, “That’s not what I meant” is common, aggravating and frustrating. And it seems that the most every quote taken from a politician is nowadays, “Taken out of context.”
What can we do? We can learn from God how to communicate.
Jesus is called the Word. Calling Jesus The Word confirms how important communication is. In fact, it implies that God wants to communicate with us! So let’s learn from the One who invented communication!
Before we can communicate well, we need to know what communication is; to understand our goal in communicating; and finally to know how to attain our goal.
So, have I communicated well so far?
Maybe…maybe not, that is why you need to keep reading and I need to keep explaining. This foray into dialogue will not be technical. In fact, it is just plain simple – Biblically simple. But have you ever noticed how the simple can also be enlightening – especially when coming from God? That’s what I hope this will be. I hope to communicate to you what God has communicated through The Word and His word about communicating.
Rule #1 – Know the Importance of Good Communication
“A Chinese Sage of the distant past was once asked by his disciples what he would do first if he were given power to set right the affairs of the country. He answered: ‘I should certainly see to it that language is used correctly.’ The disciples looked perplexed. ‘Surely,’ they said, ‘this is a trivial matter. Why should you deem it to be important?’ And the master replied, ‘If language is not used correctly, then what is said is not what is meant: if what is said is not what is meant, then what ought to be done remains undone; if this remains undone, morals and art will be corrupted; if morals and art are corrupted, justice will go astray; if justice goes astray, then people will stand about in helpless confusion.'” (Logic and Rational Thought, Frank R. Harrison III, p. vi.)
The NASB often translates from the Hebrew and Greek into the English by using the word “behold.” In fact, that word is found 1218 times! There is nothing miraculous in the Hebrew or Greek meaning, both basically mean “see.” The real point is “pay attention.” So when you see “behold” “pay attention.” The word shows the important of good communication.
Rule #2 – Good Communication Is To Know What Communication Is.
See – I told you this would be simple!
How can we communicate if we don’t even know what we are trying to do? That would be like a man who, when the engine of his car makes a strange noise, looks under the hood although most likely he has no idea what he is looking for! I know…you would never be guilty of that! And yet we have all been guilty.
So, before going on any further…What do you think communication is?
Communication is, in essence, transferring thought from one mind to another. It is that simple, although it is not always simple to accomplish. It is the exchange of an idea. It is a mental journey from point A (one mind) to point B (another mind). Our English word “communication” comes from a Latin word which literally means “to make common.” That’s the idea, to make common, or share, what is in one mind to another mind; that the one idea is shared by more than one.
In order to “make common,” one must transfer that idea first. When thinking of transfer, think of movement. To “commute” is the same concept as to communicate, although the etymologies of the words are not related. Again using the analogy of a trip, as we all know, and have experienced, there are often bumps in the road, detours, wrong turns, wrong directions, in getting from point A to point B. And sometimes we just plain get lost. All of those represent misunderstanding, the failure to transfer an idea from one mind to another. When driving, sometimes it is the fault of the “Directions Giver.” Sometimes it is the fault of the “Directions Receiver.” The same is true in communication. Success only exists when we arrive at the desired location, whether geographical or mental. Seldom do we accidentally get anywhere. The same is true when we are communicating ideas.
Are you with me? Has everybody arrived at the same mental destination as me?
So when we communicate, what are we trying to do? To transfer thought from one mind to another.
And that is what the Bible describes as communication. Paul wrote, We have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16). Do you see the point? What was in Christ’s mind was in Paul’s mind.
How did this happen?
Before concluding we have the mind of Christ, Paul wrote, For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man, which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words. (1 Corinthians 2:11-13)? (NASB) The Holy Spirit conveyed the thoughts from God’s mind to the apostles’ minds. Thoughts into words, from one mind to another mind. That is communication.
If I have communicated successfully, we can now move on to the second rule in communicating well. Understanding what is our goal.
Rule #3 – Our Primary Goal Is To Be Understood, Not Necessarily To Be Convincing.
Sometimes when people disagree with us, we think there has been a failure of communication. Nope – sometimes they understood perfectly well and either didn’t like what we said so they dismissed it; or else we communicated so efficiently that they understood us to be wrong – or so they think!
Being understood is not the same as being in agreement. How many times have we husbands gotten into trouble because our wives perfectly understood what we said!
The primary goal of communication is to be understood. Before we can even hope to reach agreement, we must first reach a common understanding. Of course, most times the purpose of being understood is to then build upon that shared understanding in order to build an agreement.
Warning – if our goal is to “win the argument,” is that same as being understood? Is our goal is to simply look good? Is our goal to just make the other look bad? If those are our goals, then our goal is not communication. It is self-aggrandization.
If we know what communication is; and we know that our goal is to be understood; how do we proceed? That leads to the rest of the rules. As we go through these rules, we will emphasize both the one who is communicating and the one being communicated to. Communication cannot take place unless both are willing. In fact, it is impossible. It would be like driving over a gorge, and the bridge only goes part way.
Rule #4 – Communication With Others Requires Communicating With Yourself
Hold it…didn’t I already say that the first rule of communication is understanding that communication is transferring thought and ideas from one mind to another? If so, then what do I mean by saying good communication requires communicating with yourself?
Stay with me.
Before you speak to others, talk to yourself. While you don’t want to talk to yourself around a Psychiatrist, we have all had practice while talking on a cell phone and not noticing the call had been dropped! We cannot be a good communicator unless talk to ourselves. And get this – not only must we talk to ourselves…we must answer ourselves too! In fact, have a full-fledged conversation with yourself. You just might not want to have it out loud in a crowd!
When you talk to yourself, plan what you want to say, when you want to say it, where, how, why, and to whom. Before the proverbial Prodigal Son returned home, he not only “came to himself” (Lk.15:17, literal translation), he also spoke to himself – “I will get up and go to my father, and will say to him…. (Lk.15:18). When he arrived home, he said exactly what he planned on saying. Some – I won’t mention my name – have had to learn the hard way: “Engage brain before putting mouth in gear!”
Correlated to this – and this is very important – should I communicate? James advises, be quick to hear, slow to speak (Jms.1:19). Can you think of reasons why one should not communicate? I’ll be silent while you think…. So, before you communicate with others, communicate with yourself.
Rule #5 – Communication Requires Understanding Your Audience
Good communication emphasizes using words that the reader/hearer will both understand and not misunderstand. This takes thought, not just on how I use words, but on how others use the same words. This takes knowing your audience.
For example, when President Bush began his rousing rhetoric concerning the War on Terror, he mistakenly used the word “crusade.” Later speech writers had to excise that word from their vocabulary. Why? Because of the implications associated with the historical Crusades. Historically, the Crusades were a “war” against the Muslims. President Bush did not want to convey that the “War on Terror” was against Muslims in general. Oops! His audience was not just 21st century American who had forgotten history. His worldwide audience included people who lived with the memory of the Crusades.
When Ezra and his compatriots taught the Law of God to the formerly exiled Jews, they understood that they needed to communicate by explaining their meaning: “They read from the book, from the law of God, translating to give the sense so that they understood the reading” (Neh.8:8).
Conversely, when God wanted communication to be impossible between people, what did He do in Genesis 11? He confused their language. The opposite principle is also true – common words and common definitions lead to common understanding. Know your audience.
Admittedly, sometimes a speaker will purposely choose to use words that are ambivalent or striking as a tool, possibly to teach a lesson beyond the obvious. Jesus did this in Jn.2:19-22. Be judicious. Remember, hammers are great for hammering, but they make terrible paint brushes. If we choose to use words differently than what will be immediately understood, the benefit is that we might broaden their minds. The downside is that we might never get past their misunderstanding.
So good communication means we think about how others might define the words we are using. And then we think of the consequences, our goals, and whether the means suit the ends. Ask yourself, “What is it that I am trying to communicate?”
Rule #6—Communication Requires Understanding Your Speaker/Writer
Communication is a two way street. The communicator is not the only involved in communicating. Yes, the communicator needs to understand how people will understand the words that he uses, and the person receiving the communication needs to understand how the communicator is using words. Both are difficult tasks because our brains are not naturally geared towards thinking how others think, but rather how we think.
If a person uses a word that I would not use, then I, as the receiver of information, must do certain things:
- Ascertain whether or not their use of the word is proper although different than how I would use it. An example of this is “accommodative language.”
- Ascertain what the implied meaning of the word is, even if it is used improperly. This way we can understand the point being made by the communicator, therefore understanding whether it is valid or not, without becoming distracted by the wrong use of a word.
As an application, let us all ask these two questions:
- As we use words, are we thinking how we will be understood or misunderstood?
- As we read/hear, are we thinking how the other is using the words, not how I would use them?
- Do we want to be understood and to understand?
Rule #7—Forget Who The Speaker Is
“People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first” (David H. Comins). That quote dramatically shows that often, too often, what is more important is not what is said, but who said it. The messenger is deemed more important than the message itself. The messenger is the truth, instead of the message being the truth.
Separate the message from the messenger. Hear the words, without hearing the speaker; read the words, without thinking of the writer. Bias, either towards or against, can actually taint interpretation, whether good or bad. Are there people that we are suspicious of? Can that view color how we “hear” them? Are there people that we are supportive of? Can that view likewise affect our listening?
For example, have you ever noticed that you can predict the view of politicians? Unfortunately, their predictability is not mainly derived from their consistently applying their political principles and philosophies (although there are exceptions). No, too often it is simply the opposite of what the other party spouted.
Many years ago, there was a religious magazine where all the articles were anonymous – only pen names were used. The purpose was to separate the message from the messenger. Regardless of whether we think such a practice is beneficial or not, the fact that it existed shows the difficulty of separating the idea from the ideologist.
1 Timothy 4:12 NASB Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.
Rule #8—Remember Who the Speaker Is
Do not separate the message from the messenger. Yes, you read that correctly. Yes, that is exactly the opposite of what I just said. No, it is not a contradiction. Yes, it is a paradox. Sometimes a misunderstanding, hurt feelings, and other results of bad communication can be reduced or eliminated by remembering who said it. People misspeak—we know what they mean. People mishear—we know what we should have heard.
The purpose of communication is to transfer thought from one mind to another. Implied through out all these points is the desire to communicate. We have to want to be understood and to understand. That takes work…it is easy to misunderstand and to be misunderstood. Any one can do that!
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